Azzadiyaan(UDAAN)

Pairon ki bediyan khwabon ko baandhe nahi re, kabhi nahi reMitti ki parton ko nanne se ankur bhi cheeray, dheere dheereIraade hare hare, jinke seeno mein ghar kareWoh dil ki sune kare na darre, na darre

Subah ki kirno ko rokein jo salaakhein hai kahanJo khayalon pe pehre daale woh aankhein hai kahanPar khulne ki deri hai parinde udh ke choomengeAasman aasman aasman

Subah ki kirno ko rokein jo salaakhein hai kahanJo khayalon pe pehre daale woh aankhein hai kahanPar khulne ki deri hai parinde udh ke choomengeAasman aasman aasman

Aazaadiyan, aazaadiyanMaagey na kabhi, mile mile mileAazaadiyan, aazaadiyanJo cheenay wahi, jee le jee le jee le

Subah ki kirno ko rokein jo salaakhein hai kahanJo khayalon pe pehre daale woh aankhein hai kahanPar khulne ki deri hai parinde udh ke choomengeAasman aasman aasman

Kahani khatam hai ya shuruwaat hone ke hai (hone ke hai)Subha nayi hai yeh ya phir raat hone ko hai (hone ke hai)Kahani khatam hai ya shuruwaat hone ke hai (hone ke hai)Subha nayi hai yeh ya phir raat hone ko hai (hone ke hai)

Aane wala waqt dega panha haiYa phir se milenge do raaheinKhabar kya, kya pataa

Coz its numb.

I want to live..one more day..

I want to breathe that air in my lungs..feel the gush..

i want to see the world..one more time..see the people..see the smiles..they exists..

hear the luaghter..the claps and the just once more feel the pain in the muscels wen i cant stop laughing..

I want to drench..one more time..in tears rolling down my cheek..when people around wipe them off..and u feel the care..

I want to feel..once more..the pain of being hurt..wen expectashns are broken..wen curses are are not wished to cum tru..

I want to fight..one more time..feel wen im heard..and agreed..or refuted..but im listened..

I want to tell..one last time..that i can tel secrets..and not worry that ill be judged..

I want to learn..again..that ill help someone..and be helped by sumone..

I want to know..before its too late..that life is much more then just being..

I want to sing..the songs i sang from the shared favs and know they are still shared..

I want to lie..once again..nt to myself..and be told tht im lying..

I want to hear..before the last..my own voice..and recognise it..

I want to count..not d days left..but the days i must have lived..

Coz its numbness filled in..

she doesnt live nemore..

smiled..with a lost twinkle..

a hollow laugh
forgotten heart
lost soul
breathing..with no essence of life..
trying to build hopes..with broken faith..


Everything was right..every decision envied..with loads of dreams and full of enthusiasm she stepped in that world where life is on a roller coaster ride..made friends..had fun..had crushes..fights..resolutions..gossiping..she was leading a wonderful life..adding meaning to every moment live..
she had one rule..things are right..actions are right if none is hurt..and give in..cz thts wht keeps things goin..
until she followed it adamantly..right things hurt the peple she loved..
giving in was not considered enough..sacrificing principles was something she never agreed to..and that spoiled evrything she built.
no matter how much things got tough she had one way out..of writing it out..
she lost that channel too..

she now understands what it means to live two lives..
a successful career..an obedient daughter..a best freind to a brother..a shoulder for her friends..a bold girl
and a lost self..shattered dreams..confused mind..hopeless breaths..aimless day..and a broken heart..
in the same body..with same smile but lost twinkle..with same echo but hollow laughter..with same glances but distant eyes..same me with a locked soul..

she doesnt wish nemore..doesnt wait nemore..dsnt knw wht to hope for..dsnt knw if things are worse or just better..she dsnt live nemore.

; Alpviraam

Zindagi humein kis mod par le aaye..
palak jhapakte he jaise aasamaan se zamein par aagaye hum..
kya rishtey the, kya waqt tha..
sapne jaisa,jo aankhen kholte he kahin gum ho gaya..
khud ko kahin duur chod aayi thi..
sacchai se wasta na raha tha..
guruur tha..ek naya alam tha..
registan mein chal rahi thi..
na raaste ka pta tha..na manzil ka hosh..
iss nayi zindagi ke rang mein bheeg rahi thi..
isse barish mein aaj aansun bhi khush the..
bhrum barquraar tha ki
Zindagi ko naye aayaam de rahi hun..jab zindagi mujhe he khookli banate chale gaye..

junoon sawaar tha ki meri zindagi mere haathon mein hain

isske har panne ko shabdon se main jeena seekha rahi thi..

khabar na thi ki syahi toh waqt he tha hamesha..

iske kalam toh duniye ne he pakad rakhi thi..

aur main..bas ek panna..
kalam mujh par chal rahe the..aur zindagi isse manchaha saja rahi thi..

un dino..bhaut he khoobsurat panna thi main..
ab jab syahi khatam ho rahi hai..
gaadhe nishaan ban rahe hain..
dusra panna bhi inke nishaan seh raha hain..
kahin ye syahi..khatm na ho jaye..
meri kahani adhure na reh jaye..
bhaut guruur tha mujhe meri kahani par..
jab syahi kalam mein dali thi..tabse he shabdon ke rangeen sapne dekhne lagi thi..
ek akarshan sa tha meri kahani mein..iss kitaab mein..
jo dekhta,padhta..mujhe eersha karta..
kahin bhi koi daag na tha..

nazar lag gayi shayad mujhe meri he..

sahem gayi hun..
ruuf sihar jate hai ab..
jab bhi koi shabd likhe jate hain..

kahin syahi fael na jaye..
daag na chod de..
mita nahi paaunge ab..
syahi ke khatam hone se pehle iss adhyaye ko viraam na lag jaye..yahi umeed hai bas..
panno ke khoobsuurti..iske bikhare rang..
puurn viraam tak aise he rahe..pheeke na pad jaye..
kalam zor se na chale..akshar gadhe na bane..ye akhiri panna..agle panne par apne nishaan na chod de..

sun..ae zindagi..ek guzarish hai tujhse..
rahem kar de mujh par..
iss sachaai maan gayi..tu meri kahani likhte hain..
kaanch ka dil hai mera..iska tukde na kar.jod nahi paunge umr bhar..
meri kahani ka ant zaroor likhna..syahi khatam hone se pehle iss rang ko pheeka na hone dena..syahi fael na jaye..yahi guzarish hai ..
iss alpviraam par poorna viraam mat laga dena..iss kalam ko nayi syahi se bhar dena;

hmm..

Its interesting to see what this life has to offer me at every corner..a mixture of all those that make me happy and have equal potential to dishearten me..
It was one of those moments when everything you wanted was right infront of u..but ur hands are tied..
your wishes will get all true if u just take that one step..
and your heart and mind make u dangle..
u love and hate this dilemma..it makes you crazy..one is the right decision of not moving ahead and the other reflects everything you always wished for is rt there..
i have taken the step..it was a swing with the wind..i don't know what the destiny awaits for me..but i listened to my heart..the weak heart..because once it was strong..
nobody agrees with me..im all alone on this path..theres just faith..faith that ill cope up with whtever worst comes..and ill give up wen its time..
sorry..forgot to mention..i will have to give up..but i want to dive deep down..feel the waves..feel the feeling of being carried away..float..smile with the sun above..love the moon that lit up..wink at the stars and slowly let myself drown..

Everything's wrong about me..

well i don't know how to start writing this.i missed the scribbling day of my college today.
i wonder how people learn so easily to just give up things. just like that. why the hell a person wants to feel wanted. and why do some people just don't mind their own business. why they have to get into some one's life, make friends, advice them. try to change them and the person changes for the worst or changes just because of them and later on when hes suffocating because of the new me..then these people just leave knowing they have done an irreparable mistake.
why people have to get into other's life.just to screw it.when they know they should not break the golden rule "u cant change anyone!!"..why do they try to teach me things just to feel better themselves. gosh! why the hell I'm so vulnerable and agree to their opinions that they are right and my life is hell and they have every right to fix it up the way they want! everyone..everyone would like to know why and what I'm doing wrong and in fact tell me that whatever step I'm taking is wrong..ALWAYS WRONG!!! i was born wrong! my behaviour is the most rudest thing in the world and that i should have never been born because I'm so so wrong!! i am the idol of wrong behaviour and wrong thinking and complete ass..and the people who tell assure me they are doing the right thing my telling me this because they are my friends..so what happened now?? you couldn't tolerate that i kicked you out simply because i was done listening to you and your ways that u think are so very right.and guess what..even now when i don't talk to you guys you have your own unique ways to make me realise how bloody wrong i am..wow..that's so amazing..
and others tell me not to think about them..not to get disturbed by them..attend the crowd where they are everywhere and just not think about them..how the hell is that possible..how can i just ignore?? when they are all around..i cant put up masks...i cant put up a show when the inside of me is not enjoying at all..i dun wanna murder myself inside just to show to them that i don't care..id rather sit in my room than be there to face those faces and in fact put a face up for myself..

dreams..

{this blog again has my freaking out moments..you know the ones where you talk to yourself but this time i wanna hold these thoughts so that i can read them later to remind myself of my most powerful strength-dreaming!!}


So there i was watching Grey's anatomy to keep myself busy and then i came across a magazine "India today" which had the cover story of 25 powerful women and it then came to my mind that yes ..why not..i can dream..dream to be a successful and powerful person someday. its not that i have to live the life of the ordinary. I'm in a position to choose and chase it.
i don't wanna spend my this life thinking about whose loving me and whose not and whose talking about me and what and what m i gonna wear and whats in the fashion and all nonsense..why not? because these are few things that you dont have control over so why waste time??

i can dream. I'm just 22. I can be myself. and try to chase my dreams. just that..umm..my situation as in the family situation is a Lil bit different..well practically different compared to my other friends and people around but then how does it matter..

i have a job. i do but i also have an option to do higher studies. i wanna do a lot of things..like
i wanna own a bike..or a car
i want to be at a powerful position like making important decisions for a comapny or own a company..
i want to do adventure sports
i want to learn about world history
i want to learn about music
i want to learn how to play guitar or piano
i want to do loads of gyming..(hehe. funny..i knw..but one needs loads of will power for that..and good enough reason..whihc i have..medically and all that..)
i want to read lots of books..novels,autobiographies,communications and networking etc etc..
i want to be in contact with as many people as possible
i want to adopt a child
i want to visit Italy and Greece and Rome
i want to make my own personal music library
i want to discover what I'm good at..what i would love to do for a long time..or is there ever something that u wanna do for a long long time?? sometimes i feel ill be bored. or maybe i haven't found the things that i wanna do for long long time.
 i am mansi.22.with B Tech.so now i can either start to prepare for IAS or for MS or for MBA.i guess i need to prioritize my wishes chronologically. how i can go about it and achieve it.i can make my life worth. i think everybody can.

it takes only your own will power and your own thoughts to do something that you wish to do at any point of time to make your own life happy..very happy.