Everything's wrong about me..

well i don't know how to start writing this.i missed the scribbling day of my college today.
i wonder how people learn so easily to just give up things. just like that. why the hell a person wants to feel wanted. and why do some people just don't mind their own business. why they have to get into some one's life, make friends, advice them. try to change them and the person changes for the worst or changes just because of them and later on when hes suffocating because of the new me..then these people just leave knowing they have done an irreparable mistake.
why people have to get into other's life.just to screw it.when they know they should not break the golden rule "u cant change anyone!!"..why do they try to teach me things just to feel better themselves. gosh! why the hell I'm so vulnerable and agree to their opinions that they are right and my life is hell and they have every right to fix it up the way they want! everyone..everyone would like to know why and what I'm doing wrong and in fact tell me that whatever step I'm taking is wrong..ALWAYS WRONG!!! i was born wrong! my behaviour is the most rudest thing in the world and that i should have never been born because I'm so so wrong!! i am the idol of wrong behaviour and wrong thinking and complete ass..and the people who tell assure me they are doing the right thing my telling me this because they are my friends..so what happened now?? you couldn't tolerate that i kicked you out simply because i was done listening to you and your ways that u think are so very right.and guess what..even now when i don't talk to you guys you have your own unique ways to make me realise how bloody wrong i am..wow..that's so amazing..
and others tell me not to think about them..not to get disturbed by them..attend the crowd where they are everywhere and just not think about them..how the hell is that possible..how can i just ignore?? when they are all around..i cant put up masks...i cant put up a show when the inside of me is not enjoying at all..i dun wanna murder myself inside just to show to them that i don't care..id rather sit in my room than be there to face those faces and in fact put a face up for myself..

dreams..

{this blog again has my freaking out moments..you know the ones where you talk to yourself but this time i wanna hold these thoughts so that i can read them later to remind myself of my most powerful strength-dreaming!!}


So there i was watching Grey's anatomy to keep myself busy and then i came across a magazine "India today" which had the cover story of 25 powerful women and it then came to my mind that yes ..why not..i can dream..dream to be a successful and powerful person someday. its not that i have to live the life of the ordinary. I'm in a position to choose and chase it.
i don't wanna spend my this life thinking about whose loving me and whose not and whose talking about me and what and what m i gonna wear and whats in the fashion and all nonsense..why not? because these are few things that you dont have control over so why waste time??

i can dream. I'm just 22. I can be myself. and try to chase my dreams. just that..umm..my situation as in the family situation is a Lil bit different..well practically different compared to my other friends and people around but then how does it matter..

i have a job. i do but i also have an option to do higher studies. i wanna do a lot of things..like
i wanna own a bike..or a car
i want to be at a powerful position like making important decisions for a comapny or own a company..
i want to do adventure sports
i want to learn about world history
i want to learn about music
i want to learn how to play guitar or piano
i want to do loads of gyming..(hehe. funny..i knw..but one needs loads of will power for that..and good enough reason..whihc i have..medically and all that..)
i want to read lots of books..novels,autobiographies,communications and networking etc etc..
i want to be in contact with as many people as possible
i want to adopt a child
i want to visit Italy and Greece and Rome
i want to make my own personal music library
i want to discover what I'm good at..what i would love to do for a long time..or is there ever something that u wanna do for a long long time?? sometimes i feel ill be bored. or maybe i haven't found the things that i wanna do for long long time.
 i am mansi.22.with B Tech.so now i can either start to prepare for IAS or for MS or for MBA.i guess i need to prioritize my wishes chronologically. how i can go about it and achieve it.i can make my life worth. i think everybody can.

it takes only your own will power and your own thoughts to do something that you wish to do at any point of time to make your own life happy..very happy.