Another rainy day.A perfect co-incidence of the pours and the office shuttle.
"I wouldn't make the same mistake today" and she left the stuck shuttle to walk to the nearest bus stand 1/2 mile away.'I need to shift an apartment thts close.I can't travel 4 hrs everyday! Also i should buy sum vehicle of my own.it would be fun.maybe i shud join these atr classes.They teach good stuff.Im not desperate for making friends but I wont mind if I...
A freaky driver sped fast in the muddy pool splashing all the dirty water on her brand new suit.'I hate this city'.I should have abused him or atleast yelled out at him.Ohh forget it.
I dont have any guts.I shudnt have left the shuttle.and now walking on this muddy pavement.why do I even pay taxes...
And another arm smudge gave way to misty eyes..

First day of 2011

She was smiling..her heart was all smiling..it was new year eve.She was going home after a vry long day at work and things were okay.She thought after settling down with pasta and soup, a small treat to herself shell catch up a nice movie while snuggling up in her bed. Cleaned up the kitchen and took the dinner with her favourite movie on laptop she was contend.After turning down 3 invites for a new year party she was convinced she did right.Never a big fan of lousy crowd or DJ or Pub she liked spending meaningful time with her loved ones.At midnight stroke she got uneasy and started to look for the indespensable mobile phone.Let me ring my best friends at least.

The first number went unreachable.Ghosh! why always the network problem.Another num and was busy. 'Stupid me.Ofcourse shes got a relationship to manage'.Nevertheless after last unsuccessful hit she thought of going back to catch up her forever pending movie.'Let me just check the facebook' and after wishing 32 people personally 2:30 pm convinced her it was right time to sleep.

At 4 she called up her brother just to check how everything's goin on.Things can go out of hands sometimes.
Maybe its better to drop a tear or two.First day should be a good balance as well.And the night went on.

So when the first rays swept in her blanket she knew it was time to stop.Let me not spoil the first day.She smiled and tried to sleep which came easily to those tired eyes.

And the first day of the new year was just like any other day.

Azzadiyaan(UDAAN)

Pairon ki bediyan khwabon ko baandhe nahi re, kabhi nahi reMitti ki parton ko nanne se ankur bhi cheeray, dheere dheereIraade hare hare, jinke seeno mein ghar kareWoh dil ki sune kare na darre, na darre

Subah ki kirno ko rokein jo salaakhein hai kahanJo khayalon pe pehre daale woh aankhein hai kahanPar khulne ki deri hai parinde udh ke choomengeAasman aasman aasman

Subah ki kirno ko rokein jo salaakhein hai kahanJo khayalon pe pehre daale woh aankhein hai kahanPar khulne ki deri hai parinde udh ke choomengeAasman aasman aasman

Aazaadiyan, aazaadiyanMaagey na kabhi, mile mile mileAazaadiyan, aazaadiyanJo cheenay wahi, jee le jee le jee le

Subah ki kirno ko rokein jo salaakhein hai kahanJo khayalon pe pehre daale woh aankhein hai kahanPar khulne ki deri hai parinde udh ke choomengeAasman aasman aasman

Kahani khatam hai ya shuruwaat hone ke hai (hone ke hai)Subha nayi hai yeh ya phir raat hone ko hai (hone ke hai)Kahani khatam hai ya shuruwaat hone ke hai (hone ke hai)Subha nayi hai yeh ya phir raat hone ko hai (hone ke hai)

Aane wala waqt dega panha haiYa phir se milenge do raaheinKhabar kya, kya pataa

Coz its numb.

I want to live..one more day..

I want to breathe that air in my lungs..feel the gush..

i want to see the world..one more time..see the people..see the smiles..they exists..

hear the luaghter..the claps and the just once more feel the pain in the muscels wen i cant stop laughing..

I want to drench..one more time..in tears rolling down my cheek..when people around wipe them off..and u feel the care..

I want to feel..once more..the pain of being hurt..wen expectashns are broken..wen curses are are not wished to cum tru..

I want to fight..one more time..feel wen im heard..and agreed..or refuted..but im listened..

I want to tell..one last time..that i can tel secrets..and not worry that ill be judged..

I want to learn..again..that ill help someone..and be helped by sumone..

I want to know..before its too late..that life is much more then just being..

I want to sing..the songs i sang from the shared favs and know they are still shared..

I want to lie..once again..nt to myself..and be told tht im lying..

I want to hear..before the last..my own voice..and recognise it..

I want to count..not d days left..but the days i must have lived..

Coz its numbness filled in..

she doesnt live nemore..

smiled..with a lost twinkle..

a hollow laugh
forgotten heart
lost soul
breathing..with no essence of life..
trying to build hopes..with broken faith..


Everything was right..every decision envied..with loads of dreams and full of enthusiasm she stepped in that world where life is on a roller coaster ride..made friends..had fun..had crushes..fights..resolutions..gossiping..she was leading a wonderful life..adding meaning to every moment live..
she had one rule..things are right..actions are right if none is hurt..and give in..cz thts wht keeps things goin..
until she followed it adamantly..right things hurt the peple she loved..
giving in was not considered enough..sacrificing principles was something she never agreed to..and that spoiled evrything she built.
no matter how much things got tough she had one way out..of writing it out..
she lost that channel too..

she now understands what it means to live two lives..
a successful career..an obedient daughter..a best freind to a brother..a shoulder for her friends..a bold girl
and a lost self..shattered dreams..confused mind..hopeless breaths..aimless day..and a broken heart..
in the same body..with same smile but lost twinkle..with same echo but hollow laughter..with same glances but distant eyes..same me with a locked soul..

she doesnt wish nemore..doesnt wait nemore..dsnt knw wht to hope for..dsnt knw if things are worse or just better..she dsnt live nemore.

; Alpviraam

Zindagi humein kis mod par le aaye..
palak jhapakte he jaise aasamaan se zamein par aagaye hum..
kya rishtey the, kya waqt tha..
sapne jaisa,jo aankhen kholte he kahin gum ho gaya..
khud ko kahin duur chod aayi thi..
sacchai se wasta na raha tha..
guruur tha..ek naya alam tha..
registan mein chal rahi thi..
na raaste ka pta tha..na manzil ka hosh..
iss nayi zindagi ke rang mein bheeg rahi thi..
isse barish mein aaj aansun bhi khush the..
bhrum barquraar tha ki
Zindagi ko naye aayaam de rahi hun..jab zindagi mujhe he khookli banate chale gaye..

junoon sawaar tha ki meri zindagi mere haathon mein hain

isske har panne ko shabdon se main jeena seekha rahi thi..

khabar na thi ki syahi toh waqt he tha hamesha..

iske kalam toh duniye ne he pakad rakhi thi..

aur main..bas ek panna..
kalam mujh par chal rahe the..aur zindagi isse manchaha saja rahi thi..

un dino..bhaut he khoobsurat panna thi main..
ab jab syahi khatam ho rahi hai..
gaadhe nishaan ban rahe hain..
dusra panna bhi inke nishaan seh raha hain..
kahin ye syahi..khatm na ho jaye..
meri kahani adhure na reh jaye..
bhaut guruur tha mujhe meri kahani par..
jab syahi kalam mein dali thi..tabse he shabdon ke rangeen sapne dekhne lagi thi..
ek akarshan sa tha meri kahani mein..iss kitaab mein..
jo dekhta,padhta..mujhe eersha karta..
kahin bhi koi daag na tha..

nazar lag gayi shayad mujhe meri he..

sahem gayi hun..
ruuf sihar jate hai ab..
jab bhi koi shabd likhe jate hain..

kahin syahi fael na jaye..
daag na chod de..
mita nahi paaunge ab..
syahi ke khatam hone se pehle iss adhyaye ko viraam na lag jaye..yahi umeed hai bas..
panno ke khoobsuurti..iske bikhare rang..
puurn viraam tak aise he rahe..pheeke na pad jaye..
kalam zor se na chale..akshar gadhe na bane..ye akhiri panna..agle panne par apne nishaan na chod de..

sun..ae zindagi..ek guzarish hai tujhse..
rahem kar de mujh par..
iss sachaai maan gayi..tu meri kahani likhte hain..
kaanch ka dil hai mera..iska tukde na kar.jod nahi paunge umr bhar..
meri kahani ka ant zaroor likhna..syahi khatam hone se pehle iss rang ko pheeka na hone dena..syahi fael na jaye..yahi guzarish hai ..
iss alpviraam par poorna viraam mat laga dena..iss kalam ko nayi syahi se bhar dena;

hmm..

Its interesting to see what this life has to offer me at every corner..a mixture of all those that make me happy and have equal potential to dishearten me..
It was one of those moments when everything you wanted was right infront of u..but ur hands are tied..
your wishes will get all true if u just take that one step..
and your heart and mind make u dangle..
u love and hate this dilemma..it makes you crazy..one is the right decision of not moving ahead and the other reflects everything you always wished for is rt there..
i have taken the step..it was a swing with the wind..i don't know what the destiny awaits for me..but i listened to my heart..the weak heart..because once it was strong..
nobody agrees with me..im all alone on this path..theres just faith..faith that ill cope up with whtever worst comes..and ill give up wen its time..
sorry..forgot to mention..i will have to give up..but i want to dive deep down..feel the waves..feel the feeling of being carried away..float..smile with the sun above..love the moon that lit up..wink at the stars and slowly let myself drown..