Getting Real

There is this peculiar scene I remember. It was a windy night and beside the traffic post sat a cobbler in his tiny shop. the only lamp post was serving him just right to fix a shoe. He must sit there all day to earn some money for the family back home. I respect him not because of the responsibility but that he made way out to earn his livelihood. It is considered a virtue as per the society's ideology.

I want ot get past this guilty feeling when I am walking out of my fav store with bags and the street I pass by has an old lady sitting with her open hands.

I walked out of my class discussing the most imp ques for the exam and by just an inch I miss the hand of an older man, very noticeably lay out in open while he lay sleepig on the newspaper.

From all my hang-outs, I remember vividly the time when Dheerja told me how she has joined a school where shed go and teach the underprivileged kids.

From all the chats I specifically remember when Aashish told me that his dad is paying for the education of two kids.

From all the company's profiles i still remember the one solar enrgy company which aims at empowering the farmers with electrcity they can produce in their houses itself.

This is my confession.
Everyday for the last two years I stand at the bus stand. Every single day I see the board across the street- "Karunsharya- Home for the last stage Cancer patients". and Every single day I overcome the will of crossing the street and visiting the place.

My discovery.
I don't have the courage to do the things I wish to do.

I fear of living with this regret all through my life.

Why?
I will not blame the ideologies I have been brought up with and in the lieu of social responsibility I have forgotten what I really want.

A Higher Degree will never solve this turmoil in my head. The thought that let me build my career today and then return to my unanswered questions. I do not want to ashamed infront of myself.

If I now apply the realities of my world I can draw one solution. This year let it be my exploring year. I will step out and see the varieties and opportunities that can be build. How I can empower myself first?

Why me first? Because I despise the word "Help" and its association with me. I do not want help unless until its out of my scope and so I would not provide help. Instead my principle is to empower the ones who think they need help. Teach them or make them learn or provide them opportunities so that they can help themselves.

It does make sense now.